Count your blessings

I stand at the end of the road called 2012.
Looking back at the long journey I walked, crawled, and ran, I fell into a place of reflection and meditation.

At first, I only saw rods of discipline, along with the moments when I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes to gladly take the whips of love, saying:

“It’s okay, God.
I’ll take anything if it means I’ll be sanctified and made holy through this.
I’ll be okay. You only discipline those you love.”

Meanwhile, I felt my soul bleeding from so much agony and pain of the refiner’s fire.

But I realize now that such view of God limits him so much.

I removed the veils of unbelief and looked back though spectacles of faith.
All I see now is miracles.

When I dig deeper, I see His hands that produced miracles. Everyday He walks me straight into my destiny.

In 2012, for the first time in my life:
I carry and exercise my gifts in dignity and confidence.
I picked up the guitar and wrote songs.
I have assurance in my life calling.
I received healing from seizures.
I have sisters who I can confidently say know my heart and will grow with me until the end.
I received my social security number and work permit.
I feel peace in things I felt anxiety for basically all my life.

Wait. Cross out the “I’s.” Change it to “God gave me the ability to…”

This all happen in one year. God achieved so much more than I asked for in the beginning.

His faithfulness is not a given, but a gift to be thankful not every year, but daily.
I praise Him not because He gave, but is and will always be.

Where will I be in five… ten years?

People say the sky is the limit. For me, it’s Heaven.

Ever increasing

The recent changes of physical temperatures and internal seasons sparked a desire in my heart.

A desire for something new.
A desire to adventure anywhere but here.
A desire to step through unwalked doors and into unfamilar worlds.

I find these desires weighing me down instead of propelling me forward.
They overwhelm me about the future instead of motivating me in the present.

I must focus.

I need stability and confidence in what I have and do now.
I must be faithful in little to take on great things.

I ask for an increase of faith and of faithfulness.
A mind to see beyond the physical and to sow to reap much.

Passion, revived – 2

The Wall paralyzed me in fear, pride, and self-condemnation for months.

God planted a seed of Passion in my heart earlier this year:

“To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners”
– Isaiah 61:1

After a cycle of turmoil, I learned a lesson about the cost of this Passion. Our personal passion is the thrill and stirring of the heart that comes with an overwhelming desire to accomplish a God-given life mission. This purpose is not only connected to, but is our continuing of Christ’s passion on the cross. So it only makes sense when we experience extreme opposition from people, resources, and our own heart to become discouraged and even battered in our fervent pursuit towards its completion.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

For most of this year, I thrived in the knowledge of the Vision. It was however short-lived because the revelation of its parallel to Christ’s suffering was not yet real in my life. I found myself in a deep pit of isolation, pride, and self-criticism. Externally I was confident and strong, but underneath the layers, I was one messed up weakling grasped by the hold of the Enemy… until my recent liberating revelation of God’s grace and love.

“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.” – 1 John 3:20-21

Christianity is so simple. It’s about looking at the faint light in the midst of overwhelming darkness. As you go closer, you realize that light was actually all around you. You were just too far in darkness to see the light. When the revelation of light enters your heart, it begins to overflow like rivers around you… into people, environments, and situations. A beautiful cycle of Love contagion begins.

Though not completely, I’m surely and slowly experiencing this cycle of Life.

I also realize my present obedience is not in doing, but in sitting. My spiritual thriving in this time is not in being a Martha, but Mary. God has been trying to teach me this specific lesson for so long, but I would always ignored it, swamped in both new and old responsibilities. Now that God is stripping them off, the objective is clear. Honestly, my heart is not yet in complete rest because I’m so used to being busy.

But for now, I’m sure that my goal is to put my trust in my salvation and love others.

“And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.” – 1 John 3:23

Faith and love expands only though knowing the father in intimacy. It will become a lifestyle then I can finally “not [only] love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” – 1 John 3:18

Once I crumble my selfish ambitions, He transforms the remnants into something beautiful. Such beauty that is beyond human understanding becomes refreshing and exhilarating to the core of my soul.

In this firm foundation, my end is to praise and thank my Father, no credit due unto man or myself.

His love keeps me going. The road ahead of me is endless, but I never want to stop. As long as my root is God and Him only, my pursuit will eternally be unstoppable.

“Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble” – 1 John 2:10

Uprooting enemy’s kingdom

As you pass your flesh and enter into the spiritual realm, the enemy fidgets.

Then panic comes. That’s right, spiritual hyperventilation.

…until he falls from utter exhaustion, incapable of recovery.

Prayer makes Satan anxious.

As you proclaim Jesus’ name into the spiritual world, walls come down and chains break off. Do you know what that means?

It means you’re demolishing the enemy’s kingdom. Whatever walls of shame, fear, condemnation, lust, and guilt he has built up through deceiving you and straying you away from your kingdom identity deteriorates and crumbles to the ground.

Whatever the enemy built in years through deception you can break in lightspeed through prayer.

So how long does it take for the enemy’s kingdom to be uprooted from its foundation? The speed of its fall is determined by your faith. Do you believe that your prayer will move mountains and destroy kingdoms? Do you believe that God hears the cries of your heart in heaven? And that He started working even before you opened your mouth? Do you believe in the power of Jesus and His name that can conquer all things of heaven and earth?

When you experience kingdom power, prayer becomes so fun. As you break down the enemy’s walls in your heart, you can almost hear its rage. He runs to the breaking castle to mend it to see the other one coming down. Soon enough, it’s a rampant outcry of madness and frustration. But there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.

At the end of it is a joyful child of God beaming with victory over a defeated foe.

So join me. Let’s demolish a kingdom as we proclaim Jesus’ name in our secret places.

You don’t need a megaphone. Whispers are enough.

To break the gripping strongholds in your heart, those around you, and the world.

He is able. Let’s live like He is.

Joy in waiting

Few days ago, my dad called.

“Your work permit came out.”

The unexpected good news surprisingly did not catch me off guard. I simply sat and listened, as the smile on my face widened with every passing second. To many, this may not be a big deal. It’s just one of the freely given, and thus often granted opportunities for those living in the States.

For me though, this is the beginning of a long waited Answer. An answer to countless prayers lifted up for more than a decade which often involved crying out both in deep frustration and desire.

Since 2001, I have been living in this nation under a visa status that has prevented me from receiving financial support from the government as well as going overseas for mission and educational purposes.

But I trusted in God’s perfect timing and waited in prayer. I sowed into foreign nations with prayer, short term missionaries with financial support, and mission needs with creative resources. Looking back, I truly believe that every prayer lifted up to heaven advanced my attaining of permanent residency. And it’s still going as I speak.

Did I mention that the work permit that was supposed to take three months came out in two weeks? God is so intentional in everything He does. And with sharing of the good news, my unbelieving father admitted to the power of prayer:

“Can’t belive it came out so fast. You must have prayed a lot.”

My heart burns for the day where the Answer will meet its completion. The day where I can serve God’s people and to-be children overseas. The day where I can see God’s hand move so powerfully and mightily that I tremble and fall on my knees. The day where I can meet face-to-face and hold hands of the people I have been praying for thousands of miles away. I can go on and on about the triumphant moment when my dreams will become a reality.

But more than that, I’m so thankful for this moment of waiting.
The anguish and joy I receive from the lessons of this process are priceless.

It’s only a matter of months now, even weeks. The destination is so close. But for now, I want to treasure and cherish the lessons that I will never be able to go back to.

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.”
Psalm 130:5-6

Holy ambitions

They say I have it easy.

“Eh. Creative work doesn’t require brainpower.”

If they knew the kind of emotional and mental anxiety that goes through my mind to squeeze ideas from the vast, they would say otherwise.

I tell myself… It’s my passion. I’m here for a reason.

But sometimes I can’t help but feel discouraged by the present circumstances or the level of my talent that seems below average.

Thank God that such melancholy reflections lead to who I am doing this for.

…Not for me, but for Him.

Did you know that the Creation is the greatest work of art in the history of mankind? “Let there be light” and the entire universe happened (Genesis 1:3). Not only that He “knit me in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13). With few words, God designed life.

Did you also know that the first person to be filled with the Holy Spirit in the bible was an architect? (Exodus 31) Through that anointing, God gave him the “ability to make everything I have commanded you” (31:6). His command wasn’t a simple play-doh project, but an entire tabernacle used to bring glory to His holy name.

My Daddy is a designer. He delights in design. 

I’m doing His work by doing what I am doing.

Then I realize how my passion equates to a blessing. The ability to create something new from the mass of nothingness becomes powerful and beautiful.

I thus begin to see how He wants to pull me out from my secret place of hiding and suppression. He sees the dire need to plunge me into the dark world with my mind of visuals, audios, and written expression. Inspired by Him, made for Him. 

Yes. I’m afraid. But I look over my fears only when I look out to the visions He implanted in my heart.

I want to write breathes of inspiration that brings people to tears.
I want to sing my heart out to the weak and weary and lead them to a place of peace.
I want to create original works that expose people to heaven on earth.

As I press on toward divine visions, He opens doors of opportunities and outlets for expression. I, in return, welcome in challenges, victories, and even failures with open arms.

Not because of what I can do, but because I fully trust in the Spirit that lives in me.

Artists, designers, musicians, writers, and the alike. Let’s unite, fight and conquer.